LOUNGING AROUND

Now we all have gone out to your local Walmart in sweats , straight from the gym in your stretch pants and jogging shorts. But to honestly come out your house and go out into the world to any place of business and yes even Walmart in your damn Lounge Pants is Tra'e Tack'e!! Strolling around town in your pajamas only sends out one message people and that message is clear to all of us who look and shake our heads as you walk by us. And that message is " That nasty low down lazy fool came out of his/her house without washing his/her nasty stank ass!" I remember one time I was in Walmart and this lady had just such outfit on T-Shirt and Lounge Pants on. And dared say out of her mouth to her friend as this guy came up to her in the line and I quote. " I can't believe he's coming over here with me looking a mess like this"? So you honestly didn't know what the hell you had on and looked like before you came out of your house? I wanted to say to her that you knew damn well you looked a mess when you left your house, got in the car, and saw your reflection in the glass doors of Walmart ! I am telling you people I am not the only one who notice these kinds of things. I see it and I see the reaction of other people who see it also and it ain't pretty. Well its the weekend and I have one day to get something to wear to a wedding wish me luck. Peace and Hair Grease.

Do Y'all Smell Something?

You know the smell of fresh baked bread, or a nice roast in the oven. Just the smell alone will get your mouth watering and you willing to set the table!! Well guess what it works the same way with you body order. Women believe in spraying , splashing and sometimes bathing in sweet smelling things. Guys not so much. Now its not all of the guys that don't get into smelling all good for the ladies most do try. Its just that for most its hard to tell what smells good on you and what doesn't and the time to find out is not when you pick up your date. So how can you tell what smells good on you and what doesn't? Easy when your in the market for a new colonge always spray the one your interested in on a test paper first, then a small spot on your arm. (Do not ask the sales lady!!! Her job is to get whatever bottle out the store!!) And you will go out into the world smelling like you wearing roach spray. Do make her or him do his/her job by telling you if it is a spice, musk, citrus etc. For most men one or two will do good and one will not. For me it's spice colonges really do not go with me. A surefire way to find out if a colonge smells good on you is to politely ask a woman you do not know. (AGAIN THIS DOES NOT MEAN THE FOOL BEHIND THE COUNTER WAITING TO RING YOU UP!!!) Trust me on this guys women will be honest about smells good or bad they will not let you down. A women will either like a mans colonge or she will not. If it does you justice she will tell you with a sparkle in her eye. If she doesn't like it trust me she will take a step back, frown up her face and get the hell away from you. Oh and I know some of you cheap bums out there who think you can easily get by with these new body washes for men with the little scents. Just remember a good colonge stays with you and in the mind of someone else. Body washes just alert people that you did decided to wash your ass today. Ok I luv you bye bye!!!

MAKE UP!!!!!

I am sure none of you young and restless fashioneers out there remember any of the old comedy shows where the star would yell out "Make Up" and some lower billing actor would come over with this huge fluffy powder applicator and hit them square in the face with it leaving them looking like Casper's long lost relative. Well ladies that's just what some of you look like when you apply to much damn make up. I mean damn I've seen some gals who look like they could give Shaka Zulu a run for his money they have so much war paint on. Seriously I know this comes off a bit mean but Crayola does not have a make up line yet some of you women out there are caught between stage make up and Gothic tyranny Mardi Gras mask.

Oh and fellas don't you go laughing to hard true enough men do not wear make up. Well I have seen a few whom I suspect has a corn silk compact in there backpacks. Any who, lets talk beards shall we and I'm not calling out all you pretty boys with the manicured beards so well trimmed you girls fresh bikini wax is envious. No you guys do your thing. I'm calling out all the guys with the real full scruffy long ( From the town of Bedrock their a page right out of history) guys. Come on guys calm that bush fire down. Get a little something oh lets say a machete and get to slicing. I'm sure there is a handsome man underneath those weeds. Cause lets face it some of you actually have gone to Home Depot just to get something to get through that mess. Can we say Garden Center! Ok I love you bye bye.

Seasons Change

Ok all the snow has melted and its time for us who have actually went into a gym this winter to come out of our larvae form and into the awe inspiring butterflies we want to be. So with that said I would like to make sure that you people do not make the same mundane mistakes you have been in the past because good fashion sense is a must. So here are my 10 don'ts before you do.

1. Lets, burn , trash, tear, rip, or turn into dust rags any and all sweatpants or jogging suits (women) that have words on the back of your ass!! Trae Tack'e!!!
2. Ok ladies if your gonna go around town with your hair as nappy as a sheep's ass then don't grab a bag of skittles and throw them in the air and catch one and say " I'm gonna dye my hair this color. If won't even combed your damn hair!!!
3. Emo's my children of darkness. There is this wonderful product from wool-light called wool-light black it keeps dark clothes from fading. So be a dear and invest in a case and stop trying to pass that faded ass tattle tale grey looking over washed pair of dusty jeans off as black.
4. Big people men and women a mid cut + gut x out in public = One hot fucking mess!!
5. Guys a tight T-shirt and a slamming pair of jeans that hug you right and a pair of motherfucking CROCS is a bitch move man!!!
6. My military men black shoes and white socks gotta go boys wash your damn clothes and stop spending your laundry money at game stop.
7. Pig tales on grown women only if your gonna be filmed on all fours in a biker porn video can we say handle bars?
8. Guys in flip flops I understand its easy and convenient but, here is the deal guys who where flip flops are unaware that they twist and shake there ass more than a frisky whore on a Brooklyn street corner. And here is the other thing Gay Guys are watching!!!
9. Ladies don't go out in pumps if you can't walk in pumps. Nothing is more fun to watch than a woman in heels who is unsure of her next step. Believe me there are bets taken on how soon you bust your ass.
10. Most important wash your ass nobody likes a smelling stinking Ho·mo sa·pi·en!!

Ok peeps have a blast and be goood.